Tanks

Tanks for everything. Tanks for everyone. What if we all had tanks and just plowed our way down the freeway during rush hour? Hell of a way to get home.

“Honey, I have some good news and some bad news, which would you like first?”

“Uh...”

“The good news is we have a new car.”

“And?”

“The bad news is it ran over our neighbor's house.”

“That's not funny.”

“I know, but I'm new at this... still working out the kinks.”

“But nobody confuses 'thanks' with 'tanks'... what is this, Vaudeville?”

Back to the drawing board. Ten uses for a tank:

1. Transport for zoo animals.
   
2. Oversized yurt.
   
3. Place to eat walnuts.
   
4. Vacuum cleaner (needs attachments).
   
5. Umbrella (not recommended).
   
6. Tricycle substitute.
   
7. Shark tank.
   
8. Random number generator (how would that even work?).
   
9. Quality control (shoot whatever fails, such as this attempt at a list).
   
10. Giant pea shooter.
    

Okay, that didn't work either, but the important thing is we tried. If at first you don't succeed...

“Give up already.”

“No, I was going to say 'Try, try again'.”

“Already been done, what else you got?”

I rubbed my temples, the way they do in movies. I had nothing.

What if we all had actual temples, instead of the things on our foreheads? Why is a tank a vessel that contains solids or liquids but also a vehicle that transports and shoots? Why is a temple a part of the human anatomy but also a place where humans worship? It's very confusing.

“You're an idiot.”

“Yes, but it's still very confusing.”

Temples and tanks, beetles and banks, waffles and wanks.

“Wanks?”

Wanks for everything. You've been great, I'm out of time.